Do you struggle with intense or overwhelming emotions? Have you ever been interested in learning some new techniques to help you be more in control of your emotions and life? I’ve noticed many people, including myself can answer yes to those questions. Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, especially living in to 2020’s with everything that has been going on in the world. This past year I read a DBT skills book (linked here) that significantly helped me to process my emotions and work through some areas of struggle in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle but these techniques have proven to be helpful- you just have to be willing to put in the work.
So, I am starting a 4-week series going through the DBT skills. This first week includes distress tolerance skills. These skills will help you to deal with intense and overwhelming emotions and situations in your life. Let’s dig in…
Radical Acceptance
“Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.”
Radical acceptance is the first skill to learn. It is essentially realizing and accepting things as they are. It is owning up to how our actions have gotten us to the places that we are in. It can feel uncomfortable at first which is why you must learn to do it without judging yourself or others. An example of a radical acceptance statement that I tell myself is: “I can’t change what has already happened.” I can choose to accept that this is the moment I am in and move forward from there. I can only control myself in THIS MOMENT.
Distraction Techniques
The next thing to learn is how to best distract yourself from distressing situations. Because the truth is, when we are in distress we cannot make rational and quality decisions. It is better to distract ourselves until we are in a better state of mind.
- Distract yourself from self-destructive behaviors- instead of doing something that will ultimately harm you (whether physical, emotional, or financial) what can you do? Maybe use a stress ball, doodle on a piece of paper, scream into a pillow, let yourself cry… really whatever does you no harm.
- Distract yourself with pleasurable activities- this could be engaging in a hobby, watching a movie, exercising, or doing whatever you think is fun (google can help if you need some ideas).
- Distract yourself by paying attention to someone else- maybe call a family member or friend, help someone with something, volunteer, think of someone you care about, send an encouraging letter or text.
- Distract yourself with good thoughts- think about a fun memory, look at the world around you and take it in, think of a good book or movie you saw, say a prayer, or sing a song. Just think about something that makes you smile.
- Distract yourself with chores or tasks- have some things to get done? This would be a good time to do them. Dishes, laundry, an errand, whatever it may be.
Right now, make a list of things you can do to distract yourself when you are in a stressful or overwhelming situation. Keep it in your phone or on hand to refer to when you need it.
Self-Soothing and Relaxing
Another good technique to learn is how to self-soothe and relax. This is something many of us do already and we may not realize.
- Self-soothe through smell- light a candle, cook/bake, use perfume or oils, or just have something in your home that smells good.
- Self-soothe through sight- have a vision board or photos around your home or on your phone that bring you joy, draw or paint, anything you can look at that brings you joy and calmness.
- Self-soothe through hearing- listen to music, a podcast, a book, the tv, radio, whatever you like to listen to.
- Self-soothe through taste- eat your favorite food, a piece of gum or candy, or drink something you like.
- Self-soothe through touch- maybe a soft blanket (check out my shops to purchase one here), take a shower or bath, play with a pet, or wear something comfy.
Again, I want you to create a list of 5 things you can do to self-soothe and keep it on hand for when you need some ideas.
Safe Space Visualization
I want you to think of a place you love (or would like to go)- where is it, what is around you, who is with you, what are you doing? Maybe draw it or write it out. This is the place I want you to think of when you’re feeling overwhelmed but are unable to really “do” anything.
Mindful Breathing
This one helps me a lot! Slow down and count your breaths. Maybe listen to a relaxation video on YouTube or use an app on your phone to take a minute and simply be.
Use Positive Thoughts and Affirmations
Make a list of positive things you can say to yourself- these can be your own statements, quotes, or Bible verses that encourage you.
These are only some of the different distress tolerance skills in the DBT Skills Workbook, if you’re interested in learning more I highly recommend getting the book.
Remember the only way these skills work is if you use them. Simply knowing about them doesn’t do much. You must learn to implement them, even before you encounter a distressing situation.
Now that you’ve learned some distress tolerance skills I want you to keep your lists, save this post, whatever will help you so that you can use them. It is ok to pick the ones that work for you and disregard the ones that don’t. But I recommend trying it before you discard a technique. These have helped me tremendously and I hope they help you too!
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Keep Shinning your light and breaking silence!
Xoxo, Kelly (https://linktr.ee/smilexokelly)
Breaking Silence 
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